my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
