You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
