Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we're making bets on your personal life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
