Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
