Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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