I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
