Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
