if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
