so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
