dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
