I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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