I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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