I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
