either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
