and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
