her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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