In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
