i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
