So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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