She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
