I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
