I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
