Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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