So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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