Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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