whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
