Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
