I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to calm my uterus...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
