I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize