woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Even my vagina gasped.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
