Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
