The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
