Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
