I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
