"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
