brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
