how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
