just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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