I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
