You really coming over, don't trick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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