My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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