You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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