he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have post one night stand depression
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm really busy with my period
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