He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
