In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
