the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
