I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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