I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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