He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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