Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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