I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
