i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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