South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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