I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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