the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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