she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Randomize
