So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
