ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
