i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize