Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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