I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
