so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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