I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
