Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
