I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
