East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just pynch a tree in the face
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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