I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
