So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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