i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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