do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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